Gundarn Wing: The Ultimate Parody
by Jack and John The GW Boys
Summary: The following is a parody of the series "Gundam Wing" Join Hero Yueh, Duel Maxwell House, and the other Gundarn pilots as they battle Toto corporation! Please don't get mad if we insult your favorite guy! We're only trying to write a story!
1. Gundarn Wing: The Ultimate Parody

Gundarn Wing

Gundarn Wing 

The Ultimate Parody

Dramatis Personae 

The Gundarn Pilots 

Hero Yueh- A teenager, a bit overly philosophical about war, dead-serious all the time, pilots Gundarn Whiff.

Duel Maxwell House- A teenager, likes annoying his friends, pilots Gundarn Deathspatula.

Chang Wuf-A Chinese teenager, prefers hitting enemies, pilots Gundarn Sendlong (Nutcake).

Ketra Ramadan Loser- An idiot teenager, annoying, most relatively "human" pilot, pilots Gundarn Grainstone.

Trowel Barton- Dead-serious teenager, works in a bowling alley, pilots Gundarn Heavyfeet. A Purist (doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, gamble, overeat, etc.)

Toto Corporation

Colonel Hex Markey- Best pilot in Toto, test pilot of all mobile insulters.

Quattor Kooshrenada- High leader of Toto, wears a half-cape all the time. Likes machines and AI.

Lieutenant Oin- Second in command to Hex. Fiercely loyal. 

Dyslexic and Muellard- Two mobile insulter pilots that like reenacting historical scenes. Very, very frightening.

Other People

Relentless Wartrade- Ambassador from Earth to the Space Outposts. Likes Dr. Yueh.

Salami Pope- Partisan against Toto. Fights because "she likes insulting people"

The 40 Argonauts- A group of warriors loyal to Ketra.

(_Cut to full screen shot of space, swing around Earth and Space Outposts)_

Narrator: In the 23rd century, humanity has reached the stars, but not without a price. Human egos have grown so bloated that now the only way to kill a human is to insult them to death.

_(Cut to marching Simbas, burning buildings, battles in space)_

_ _

Narrator: Other then this, humanity hasn't changed very much. The Earth Globe Alliance rules with an iron fist over the Earth and the Outposts._ However, a division of the Alliance has split, creating their own empire, and beating the Alliance insult for insult. This division is called the Toto Corporation. As humanity continues to research new ways of killing, human pilots drive machines of death called "mobile insulters." In order to maintain the peace, a secret group of scientists banded together to create five legendary mobile insulters called Gundarns._

_(Cut to shots of each Gundarn fighting Simbas, music starts softly)_

Narrator: Their mission: to destroy Toto, and to protect the Earth and it's Outposts. The five Gundarns are sent to Earth, disguised as shooting stars. However, the Alliance has begun to catch on to this plan. 

_(Display opening credits, with theme music playing and cool clips in the background)_

Scene 1: The Shooting Shot She Got

Scene opens with a shot of Earth. Four shooting stars come streaking toward it. Shot of Colonel Hex sitting in the cockpit of a military plane.

Soldier: There's something coming toward Earth, sir! No, five things coming toward Earth, Colonel Hex!

Hex: How many can we intercept?

Soldier: Only one, sir.

Hex: One's good enough! Intercept that capsule, Otto!

Otto: Aye, aye!

The plane closes on the capsule, inside of which there is a shot of Hero at the controls. Hero would ordinarily wear short-short shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt. However, now he is wearing a space suit that has puffs at the cheeks and chin.

Hero: Someone's following me! And there's an obstacle in the way!

Shot of Relentless Wartrade and her daddy sitting in a space plane.

Relentless: (whining) Daddy, why do you have to travel so muuuuch?

Daddy: My job requires it, Relentless. And don't whine.

Relentless: (continuing to whine) Awww, Daddy!

Daddy: (grumbling) You really are relentless.

Relentless: Hey, Daddy, what's that?

They look out the window to see a shooting star. Of course, we know it's Hero. Shot of Hex, Otto, and soldier 2.

Soldier 2: There's something in his way, sir! It's a civilian craft!

Hex: We've got him now! He has to reduce his speed!

Otto: But sir, couldn't he just shoot them down?

Hex: Probably not.

Shot of Relentless and Daddy gaping out the window at the shooting star. Suddenly, a blast of light comes out and hits them. The shuttle plummets towards Earth.

Relentless and Daddy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Shot of Hero.

Hero: Obstacle dispatched. (turns around) I'd better pick up some speed.

Shot of the capsule comes away, revealing Gundarn Whiff in hummingbird mode. Goes flying away.

Otto: Sir! The enemies' new weapon is a plane!

Soldier 2: It moves just like a hummingbird!

Hex: I'll take him in my Simba!

Otto: Do what'cha like, sir!

Shot of Hex's Simba leaving from the plane, and chasing after Hero. Suddenly, Whiff comes shooting overhead.

Hex: What?

Hex fires a big gun, and clips Whiff. A couple scraps of paint fall off.

Otto: Nice shot, Colonel Hex!

Soldier 2: Not really.

Otto: Quiet, you!

Shot of Hero working some controls. Whiff suddenly changes to it's mobile insulter form.

Otto: Sir! The enemy plane just changed into a mobile insulter!

Hex: (thinking) I thought only Toto and the Alliance could build mobile insulters!

A pair of Capricorns are launched, and they heard toward the retreating Whiff. 

Capricorn pilot: We'll take this, sir! Wait! We're getting another reading! That mobile insulter is made of Gundarnium alloy!

Hex: (thinking) Gundarnium alloy! Surprisingly resistant to insults! So it's true! That is a Gundarn! (speaking) Use caution! That thing's a Gundarn!

Capricorn pilot: Right, sir! (thinking) Gundarn Shmundarn!

The two Capricorns charge Whiff, firing. Whiff takes some damage but doesn't get destroyed. Suddenly, it brings up it's gun and fires.

Capricorn pilot: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Hex: (British accent) He took out two Capricorns in just one shot! Not too shabby!

Hex's Simba charges Whiff, but as they lock arms Hex jumps out. Whiff plunges into the sea.

Hex: (talking while in free-fall) Pick up that Gundarn next time you get the chance! And keep it quiet!

Otto: Uh, sir, don't you want a parachute?

Hex: Never mind, Otto! I'll be fine!

Splat.

Scene changes to a shot of Deathspatula destroying Alliance Simbas.

Duel: Duel here! I'm just saying that so the viewers know my name!

Shot of Heavyfeet blowing up more Alliance Simbas.

Trowel: I'm Trowel. And I pilot the Gundarn Heavyfeet. It is heavily armed with guns. However, after it runs out of ammo, it is not as good. However, it still has armament we call the Dinky Blade. However, the Dinky Blade isn't very good, and should only be used as a last resort. However, the Dinky Blade is still kept in case Heavyfeet runs out of ammo. However, it is believed that Heavyfeet should have destroyed all of it's enemies before it runs out of ammo. However, just in case that doesn't happen, the Dinky Blade is ready. However, the Dinky Blade doesn't wish to be used must because, whenever Heavyfeet pulls it out, it also has the sun bounce off it. However….

Shot of Sendlong (Nutcake) destroying more Alliance Simbas.

Wuf: I'm not going to be stealthy! I'm just going to sit here and slaughter my weak enemies all day! You are all weak! Weak! Only I am strong, and are here to destroy the weak!

Shot of Grainstone blowing up still more Alliance Simbas. (As if they had any left)

Ketra: I don't like fighting, and I don't like killing. But I kill and fight all the time! And I love it!

Scene changes to the Wartrade's ship crashing onto an airfield. Relentless and Daddy walk shakily out.

Guy: Are you okay, sir?

Daddy: Fine! Just fine!

Guy: Do you want a ride home, Relentless?

Relentless: (steamed after her brush with death) No! I'll walk home myself!

Shot of Relentless walking along the boardwalk. Some tanks are rolling behind her.

Relentless: I hate those tanks! They're so big and mean! And they could blow my head off without thinking about it!

Shot of Relentless noticing Hero's body washed up in the tide.

Relentless: (happily, hopefully from excitement) Wow! A body!

Relentless runs over to Hero and pulls his helmet off. A siren is heard, and an ambulance appears.

Hero: AAAAHH! (holding his hand over his face) Did you see….?

Relentless: Huh?

Hero runs away, beats up the medics and steals the ambulance.

Relentless: Who are you?

Scene changes to Hex in a body cast. He's sitting in a submarine. Shot of the top of a carrier, which shows a bunch of guys pushing Sciolossis's over the edge.

Otto: Sir, the search is underway. The carrier's deploying of Sciolossis's is going a little slower then expected, since the carrier really isn't suited for it.

Hex: Launch ours!

Shot of three Sciolossis' and a Pincher leaving the submarine.

Shot of four Toto (not Hex) Sciolossis' finding Whiff.

Pilot 1: Sir! We've found the Gundarn!

Commander: Bring it up!

The four Sciolossis' grab Whiff with cables. Suddenly, it starts making noise and flashes lights.

Pilot 2: What's going on?

Pilot 3: What the…? There's another mobile-

Suddenly, Duel in the Gundarn Deathspatula leaps down and swats all four. Shot of the Commander on the bridge.

Soldier: Sir! We've just lost contact with the group!

Commander: Fire torpedoes to that area!

Soldier: But- (commander gives him a look that shoots knives) Okay!

Torpedoes fire, but miss both Gundarns. Nothing happens at Hex. In fact, nothing much happens there, anyway. Shot of Deathspatula standing over the flashing and noisemaking Whiff.

Duel: Hey! That Gundarns' almost identical to mine! Even down to the self-destruct device! And it's on self-destruct mode! Can't have that!

Deathspatula steps on Whiff, and we hear a crashing, and then tinkling sound. The noises and lights stop.

Duel: I'm going to raise that insulter! Hey!

A battle insures between Hex's group and Duel. A close call insures, but Duel wins easily.

Shot of Hero driving along in a truck. Shot of Relentless following indiscreetly in her bright pink car.

Hero: Drive, drive, drive!

Relentless: Follow, follow, follow!

Shot of Hero heading into a dock. He is working some computers. Relentless walks up.

Relentless: Hero?

Hero: Relentless?

Hero takes out a gun from thin air.

Hero: You're in over your head. Prepare to die. Say your prayers, Relentless Wartrade!

Relentless: (going all bug-eyed.) Uhhhhhhh!!!

Shot comes out of nowhere and hits Hero in the arm. He falls over. Shot of Duel standing there with a gun.

Duel: It's pretty obvious to anyone you're the villain here. You OK, lady?

Relentless: Hero! (rushes over to Hero)

Duel: Yeah, I know. You don't have to be all grateful to me-Huh?

Relentless starts putting bandages on Hero. Duel looks confused.

Duel: Oh, man! Why do I have to be the villain? Oh, it's here!

Shot of Deathspatula and Whiff rising to the surface.

Relentless: Huh? (her catch phrase) AAAAAHHH!!

Duel: (shining a flashlight in her face) Don't look, lady! I'm sure you've got your reasons for being here but you better just run away!

Relentless: (thinking, blinded) Who are these guys?

Hero suddenly jumps up, dodges Duel's bullets, and presses a button. Some torpedoes fire, and hit the pair of mobile insulters. The resulting explosion results in Hero being knocked into the water, and being hurt. Relentless runs over to Hero, and Duel disappears. Sudden blackout.

Scene changes to shot of Hero lying in a hospital bed. Then it changes to Relentless walking up to the desk.

Relentless: Hi. I'm looking for the kid who came in here with third-degree burns.

Clerk: No visitors.

Relentless: Awwwww….

Clerk: Oh, you're the girl who brought him here, aren't you?

Relentless: Yeah!

Clerk: (indicating a major who just walked up) Follow the major then.

Major: Hello.

Shot of Hero waking up. On a viewscreen a few feet away it suddenly shows Duel.

Duel: I'm gonna bust you out of here. It's a good thing we got rid of that annoying girl, huh? (Hero doesn't say anything) No? Oh, well.

Shot of Relentless and the Major looking out the window at Hero.

Major: OK, there he is. Can we go now?

Relentless: OK.

The two are walking down the stairs when all of a sudden an explosion knocks them off their feet.

Relentless: Huh?

Shot of Duel and Hero running through the hospital. Duel throws a grenade, and the two run through the hole in the wall, into thin air. Duel is lowered gently by an umbrella he's holding. Relentless and the Major run up to the hole.

Duel: You fool! Open your tablecloth I call a parachute!

Relentless: Oh, no! (remembering the military major is next to her) KIIIIIDDDDDDD!!!!

Hero opens his eyes, and lets loose his tablecloth.

Duel: It's too late!

Hero hits the ground at terminal velocity and rolls. He is still alive.

Major: That kid just fell from a fifty-story building! And he's still alive! Amazing!

Shot of Duel and Hero raising their Gundarns from the sea.

Duel: You could thank me, you know!

Hero: (grumbling) I don't thank anyone!

Duel: Whatever. I'm going to meet up with Ketra.

Hero: I'll meet up with Trowel.

Scene 2: The New Mobile Insulter

Scene opens with a shot of a small Toto outpost in plains. A shuttle cruises towards it. Camera zooms into the command center at the top, which shows Toto soldiers working computers or just standing around. Commanding officer turns when an elevator door slides open, revealing Hex. Hex still has some bandages.

Commander: Sir, Colonel Hex, sir!

Hex: Hello, Commander. I'm here to test out the new Shortduck.

Commander: I should warn you, sir, that things' a monster. None of our test pilots can handle it.

Hex: Would I be here if they could?

Commander: Right…

Scene changes to shot of Hex, the Commander, and a mechanic standing on a walkway in front of the Shortduck. It carries a massive Doby gun.

Hex: I should assume the controls have been set to meet standard Toto format?

Mechanic: (Chomping on a cigar) Tha's right, sir. All our mobile insulters meet standard format. Ship shape ya know, sir.

Hex: (Taking out a gun and shooting the cigar out of his mouth) Get rid of that disgusting thing. (Mechanic walks off) I will be testing the Shortduck immediately.

Commander: I'll notify command.

Scene changes to a shot outside the base. The Shortduck is floating off the ground a few feet away from some stationary target.

Hex: Start with some basic maneuvers. I'm moving forward.

Suddenly the Shortduck stands on its head and starts burrowing into the ground. Gasps are heard from the command center. Camera switches to shot of side of Hex's head.

Hex: ERRRRRRRRRGGHHHHH!!!

Shot of the ground. The Shortduck flies up from the ground, hovers a few feet above it, and blasts the target to infinity.

Hex: I've done it! I've mastered the Shortduck! HA HA HA! Now I have a bone to pick with my old friend Hero Yueh!

Scene 3: Hero's Emotional Problems

Scene opens with shot of Trowel and Hero sitting at a table in a small room.

Hero: Why? Why must we keep insulting? Every day we just insult and insult and insult! It's all that we know how to do! Just insult and insult! Without regard to all those people we insult! I can take it! I can't keep insulting!

Trowel: But what are you going to do about it? If you stop insulting, Toto will conquer the Earth Globe Alliance! The Earth would be covered in evil!

Hero: Let the Earth take care of itself! I can't keep insulting! There's only one thing left to do!

Hero stands up and bolts for the door. On the way, he shoves Duel to the side.

Duel: Hey, what's your problem? Did your girlfriend dump you or something?

Hero: You'll never understand! Never!

Duel: (glancing at Trowel) What's his problem?

Trowel: Nothing.

Shot changes to Hero leaping into Whiff, and taking off. Camera pans to Wuf watching him silently.

Wuf: I always knew he was too weak.

Shot changes to Whiff standing in the middle of a deserted field. The hatch opens up and Hero stands on top of its head. Camera looks through a transparent panel at Hero's face. Hero holds up a joystick.

Hero: Mission aborted.

Hero presses the top button on the joystick. Camera zooms out to a shot of Whiff, which, amidst loud music, explodes. Shot of Hero flying up, and eventually landing in a lake.

Scene 4: Toto Attack

Scene opens with a shot of a heavily bandaged Hero in a bed, and then zooms back to show Trowel leaning against a wall. Hero opens his eyes.

Hero: (slowly) Why did you save me?

Trowel: I didn't. The EPA did. They thought your rotting body would be hazardous to the reservoir. When it turned out you were alive, I said I was your friend. They handed you over to me.

Hero: Great. Saved from a heroic death by the freakin' EPA.

Trowel: I've hidden Heavyfeet in a dark alley.

Hero: A dark alley?

Trowel: No one goes in them anymore.

Hero: It's your Gundarn.

Scene changes to Trowel and Hero walking through a marketplace, with a lot of dancing and singing and selling and stealing of food. A very obvious limo follows the pair.

Hero: Duhhhh… Someone's following us, Trowel.

Trowel: I'll handle it.

Hero: You sure?

Trowel: I'll be fine.

Trowel spins around and laces the limo with streams of bullets from two Uzis he has hidden under his turtleneck. The limo careens off the road and slams into the side of a building, where it explodes. 

Suddenly sounds of combat are heard. Camera changes to shots of Toto Simbas fighting Alliance Simbas. 

Trowel: I'd better get to my Gundarn. You go back to the house.

Hero: Fine. To the rest of the world I'm dead anyway.

Scene changes to Trowel leaning against the wall next to Heavyfeet, smoking. Suddenly five Toto Simbas appear at the alley entrance.

Simba #1: It's a Gundarn pilot!

Simba #2: And he's smoking!

Trowel leaps into his Gundarn, and activates it. He opens fire on the Simbas. Camera shot shows Trowel at the controls, with light flashes on his face.

Trowel: I want no part in this fight, however, I just can't afford to let anyone see me smoking.

Scene 5: The Challenge

Scene opens with Trowel and Hero sitting at a table. Hero looks much better, however, he still has a bandage wrapped around his head like a bandanna. He's holding a letter.

Hero: He would have no reason to fight me so soon after our last one. He must have a new secret weapon.

Trowel: Probably. Rumor has it that Toto has been working on a new mobile insulter. Except, by the rules of mobile insult duels, you have to accept.

Hero: Yeah. Except I blew up Whiff in a fit of depression.

Trowel: You can use mine.

Hero: But I'm the worst shot in the world!

Trowel: So?

Hero: Of course, who needs accuracy with automatics!

Scene changes to shot of Relentless looking out the window. There's an old guy standing next to a desk behind her.

Relentless: I just can't figure out why people won't just cooperate and get along! It seems all people want to do is insult each other endlessly! What do you think?

Old Guy: I don't think. All I do is fly planes. And I don't know how I do that, because I have such bushy eyebrows I can't see out.

Relentless: (ignoring him) And now another good pilot is going to die because of a ridiculous duel. (looks all misty-eyed) I hope Hero wins. (looks normal again) Wait!! This can't go on! I've got to stop it! Old Guy, to the plane!

Old Guy: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

Scene 6: The Battle

Scene opens with Hero, Trowel, Hex, and Oin standing in the command center in a Toto base in the North Pole. Strangely enough, the two Gundarn pilots seem at ease.

Hex: We at Toto have rebuilt your Gundarn, Yueh.

Oin: At first I couldn't believe that the mightiest Gundarn could become just a few scraps of Gundarnium alloy, I mean metal.

Hero: Thank you, but I won't be needing it. I will use Trowel's.

Hex: Fine. I will use the Shortduck.

Trowel: Oin and I will make sure the Alliance doesn't interfere with this.

Scene changes to Trowel in Heavyfeet facing down five Alliance Simbas.

Trowel: I'll handle this.

Heavyfeet starts shooting up the Simbas without much of a fight. The scene finally opens to the last Simba crawling slowly away from Heavyfeet, which has an insult blade extended on it's right arm.

Simba: Totally….destroyed!….Wiped….out!

Heavfeet starts walking toward the Simba.

Simba: Gundarn…attacked…no….chance!

Heavfeet stands over the Simba.

Simba: There's a Gundarn down here!!!

Trowel: You think you said that loudly enough?

Heavyfeet leaps at the Simba and stars sticking it's blade in and out, in and out, until the Simba is totally destroyed.

Scene changes to the North Pole. Shortduck and Heavyfeet face each other. 

Hero: Begin.

Shortduck flies up in the air, aiming it's insult gun. Heavyfeet starts firing at it, but misses. Instead, he hits the snow, causing a fog to form.

Hero: AAAARGHHH! Why can't I hit him? And this arm is so heavy….

Hex: (thinking) He's firing into the snow, making a fog! This one must be a better tactician than I thought.

Battle commences. The two mobile insulters fire at each other, but failing to cause significant damage. Scene changes to the command center, with Oin and Trowel looking at a viewscreen. Trowel is eating popcorn, and Oin is slurping a Pepsi.

Trowel: How long is this going to take?

Oin: Be patient. The longest insult duel on record is between Happy "Go-lucky" Johnston and Jack "Meanie" Smith. That one went on for six hours! 

Trowel: Well, at this rate this one's going to break the record.

Oin: Aren't you upset that your friends out there insulting to the death?

Trowel: Not really. He's my friend and all, but I really am fed up with his emotional problems.

Oin: (Looking at a flashing control panel) Uh-oh. The Alliance is on the way.

Trowel: I'll take Hero's Gundarn and engage them.

Oin: Can I have your popcorn?

Trowel: No.

Oin: In that case, I'll go with you.

Scene changes back to the fighters dueling. Heavyfeet is shooting with his left arm, but then the barbs suddenly stop.

Hero: (thinking) Trowel said that when you run out of barbs, hit that button. It will make the left arm lighter.

Close shot of Hero's hand hitting the button. A light flashes.

Exterior shot of Heavyfeet. Suddenly, left arm falls off.

Hero: (Obviously trying to sum up courage) Uhhhhh, Hex! How about a one-armed fistfight?

Hex: A one-armed fistfight! Now that's more like it!

Shortduck lands, facing Heavyfeet. It's left arm suddenly falls off, and falls to the ground with a thump. The two mobile insulters charge each other, then begin punching each other. The fight goes nowhere.

Scene changes to Trowel and Oin fighting hordes of Capricorns (flying mobile insulters). Trowel is in Gundarn Whiff, and Oin is in a Capricorn. 

Trowel: (With light flashing across his face) I don't think we'll be able to make this! There's… too many of them!

Oin: Let's hold them off as long as we can! Hopefully the duel will be over soon!

Scene changes back to the duel. Suddenly Shortduck punches Heavyfeet in the head and breaks an antenna. Heavyfeet falls to the ground, with Shortduck standing over it.

Hero: ERRRRRRRR!!!!

Suddenly a really small comfort jet shows up. Scene changes to interior, with Relentless pacing around and the Old Guy piloting.

Relentless: (At open hatchway) Stop! Stop this immediately!

Hex: (groaning a little) Why should we?

Relentless: Too many pilots are already dying already!

Hero: That's bad grammar.

Relentless: It's the translation.

Hex: We'll see, grand second cousin.

Relentless: Huh?

Oin: (over com) Don't you know, Relentless? Colonel Hex is your grand fathers' second cousin twice removed!

Relentless: What? That's impossible! He's….. (looks all steamed again) Hero! Insult that man! Insult him and insult him and insult him….

Hero: (groaning a little too) ERRR, why should I?

Relentless: Huh?

Hero: Haven't you heard the old saying, 'The grand second cousin twice removed of my enemy is no friend of mine?'

Relentless: There's no such thing!

Hero: There is.

Oin: Colonel Hex, the Alliance is on the way! Trowel and I tried to hold them off as long as we could, but they're coming!

Hex: I'll take care of it.

Shortduck walks away, picks up it's arm, and flies away.

Hex: We'll finish this later, Yueh.

Relentless: Oh, I'm so glad you're all right, Hero.

Hero: Shut up.

Whiff comes in and picks up Heavyfeet.

Trowel: You scratched my finish!

Hero: Now don't you start.

Scene 7: The 40 Argonauts

Scene opens with shot of plane landing in a small, Middle Eastern town in the desert. Camera zooms in to show Grainstone and Deathspatula being unloaded in an underground docking bay, next to lines and lines of Simbas. The Argonaut leader is standing outside.

Ketra: (jumping down) Hi! I'm Ketra Ramadan Loser. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Duel: (walking up) I'm Duel Maxwell House.

Leader: (gasps) You're a Loser?

Duel: He sure is.

Leader: My grandfather fought alongside a Loser down here. He was a loyal friend.

Ketra: Well, I'll try to live up to his standard.

Leader: Come along, I'll introduce you to the pilots.

Scene changes to big auditorium with the 40 Argonauts standing in it. The Leader, Ketra and Duel are standing on the raised platform.

Leader: We are taking on two Gundarn pilots. I understand this will be a massive risk to us, what with the Alliance here and everything, but it will be worth it in the end. One day the Gundarns will return to save us all!!!

Crowd starts clapping and cheering.

Duel: (whispering to Ketra) We will?

Ketra: Shut up!

Camera shows Duel and Ketra becoming acquainted with the 40 Argonauts. Scene changes to show the two Gundarn pilots, the leader, and an Argonaut with sunglasses standing in the hanger.

Duel: Well, we've had a great time with you guys, but we really have to go.

Ketra: That will be complicated by the Alliance forces here.

Sunglasses: We'll distract them while you escape, Mr. Loser.

Ketra: (eyes starting to tear) You… You've always been so nice to us…

Duel: (waving a hand in front of Ketra's eyes) Hey, buddy, don't get all damp on me, huh?

Scene changes to Alliance forces standing outside the city. Suddenly Argonaut Simbas start burrowing up from the ground. An insult battle follows.

Leader: Time for you to go, Mr. Loser!

Plane streaks away over the battlefield. Scene changes to inside, which shows Ketra looking out a window and Trinity piloting.

Ketra: Duel, would you come around for another pass. I want to repay these guys for what they've done for us.

Duel: Yeah, you would, wouldn't you?

Plane flies around again, with Gundarn Grainstone leaning out the window. It starts loping of Alliance Simbas' heads with it's insult cooping saws, then leaves.

Scene 8: Wuf and Ride

Scene opens with Wuf walking away from Gundarn Nutcake. He enters a town that has seen battle recently, with AA guns and people walking around holding machine guns. Wuf walks up to Salami Ride, who, with other guerillas, has been fighting the Alliance desperately to defend their homes.

Wuf: What are you doing here? You should have been evacuated long ago!

Ride: We're staying to fight the Alliance, and to defend our homes!

Wuf: That's ridiculous! Only the strong should fight the strong, and you are weak! And the weak will perish if they keep fighting! I am strong, but I will no longer fight!

Ride: Well, have it your way.

Wuf: Are you listening? You must stop fighting the strong, and retreat! Save yourselves, you weaklings.

Partisan #1: (walking up) Hey, you kid insulting my leader? I should warn you, Salami here looks "weak" but you should see her early in the morning when there's no coffee! Just leave us alone, kid!

Salami: We would become strong if you were to help us, Wuf.

Wuf: Why do you even try? (walks away grumbling about the strong and the weak).

Partisan #1: I don't like the looks of that kid.

Salami: That "kid" is a Gundarn pilot, Jack.

Partisan #1: (shouting) Really? I thought Gundarns were supposed to help people!

Scene changes to the town under attack by Alliance Capricorns. The partisans fight with AA guns, but are beaten up. Scene shows Salami and a couple of partisans running away into the hills, but are being stalked by two Simbas. Suddenly, Nutcake appears.

Partisan #1: What? It's a Gundarn!

Salami: It's Wuf!

Simba #1: Blast 'im, boys!

Nutcake starts getting shot up with insults. Dramatic music starts

Wuf: Run away. I don't want to fight.

Salami: If you don't want to fight, then you are a coward, and weak!

Wuf: I AM NOT WEAK!

Salami: Prove it! Fight the strong, and prove your strength.

(Music rises to a crescendo)

Wuf: YESSSSS!!

Simba #1: Hey, he's not fighting!

Simba #2: (sounds scared) He's probably just waiting to finish us off!

Wuf: Don't overestimate NUUUTTTTCAAAAKEEEE!!!

Scene follows with Nutcake beating up Alliance Simbas, mostly by grabbing them with his long arm and swinging them jnto mountains, and then jumping on them. Scene changes to Salami, Wuf, and Partisan #1 talking.

Wuf: I have to go now.

Salami: I hope to see you soon, Wuf!

Partisan #1: (ruffling Wuf's hair) Hey, you weren't so bad after all, kid!

Wuf: (looking annoyed) Goodbye. (Wuf walks away.)

Scene 8: Dyslexic and Muellard.

Scene opens with a very happy Alliance base near a waterfront. A couple pipes fall of the side of the building, and the chimney belches blue smoke, but no one seems to notice. A group of Alliance officers on break swim at the beaches. Scene changes to show a Scoliosis and a Capricorn. A Scoliosis is an underwater mobile insulter that looks like a frog. The screen is divided between shots of Dyslexic and Muellard. They are both dressed in Toto uniforms, and speak with high nasal voices.

Dyslexic: Ready to begin?

Muellard: Ready to reenact the Boston Tea Party! HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Dyslexic: Oh, shut up Muellard! You mean the Boston Massacre.

Muellard: Whatever.

Battle commences suddenly between Dyslexic, Muellard, and the Alliance forces. The soldiers at the beach scream, grab their towels, and run away. The Alliance forces are badly beaten up.

Alliance commander: We surrender! Stop firing!

Muellard: Don't you know anything, commander? This isn't a battle, it's a tea party!

Dyslexic: A massacre!

Muellard: Same difference.

Scene commences with Dyslexic and Muellard wiping out the whole Alliance base.

Scene changes to three-way split between Dyslexic, Muellard, and Hex. Hex is in the Shortduck.

Muellard: Today we reenact the Battle of Little Big Horn!

Dyslexic: Yes! HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Hex: (to himself) You guys are pretty messed up!

Battle commences. Naturally, Alliance forces are slaughtered, but soldiers are smart enough not to go swimming. The Alliance forces surrender, but Dyslexic and Muellard keep fighting!

Hex: What are you doing?

Muellard: This isn't a battle, Colonel, it's a tea party!

Dyslexic: It's a…oh, forget it!

Hex: This is dishonorable! Qapla, dishonorable worms!

Dyslexic: Hey, who are you calling a worm?

Scene changes to close shot of Dyslexic's Capricorn firing down on the Alliance base. All of the sudden it explodes. As the explosion dissipates, Shortduck appears behind it, it's insult gun smoking.

Muellard: You traitor! Why I ought…

Scene changes to Shortduck flying toward Muellard's Scoliosis, dodging the missiles launched. Upon reaching it, Shortduck comes around and grabs it

Hex: IIIDDDIIIOOOOTTTTSSSSS!!

Shortduck spins around in a circle, holding the Scoliosis. It finally lets go, sending the Scoliosis flying away like a Frisbee, until it eventually explodes.

Scene 9: To Die an Insulter

Scene opens with Quattor and Hex sitting in a room. Quattor is sitting behind a desk, and wears a blue coat with buttons in addition to his trademark half-cape.

Quattor: (thinking) I remember once, Hex showed such great promise. But now, (sighs) it's all done with.

Camera shows Quattor standing at a pier with a mother. At the end of the pier, there's a baby in feminine yellow chasing a butterfly.

Mother: Gasp!

Quattor: No! (holds mother back)

Baby keeps chasing the butterfly, then suddenly falls in. Mother shrieks, pushes past Quattor, and leaps off the end of the dock. Quattor turns around, thinks, and leaves the mother and baby thrashing around in the water. Scene comes back to the two Toto officers sitting at the desk.

Quattor: Oh, boy. Hex, what am I going to do with you? (Hex looks sullen but doesn't say anything.) At first I thought you would be the perfect real-life Darth Vader, the best officer I could have. But then you killed those two historians Dyslexic and Muellard! (Hex mutters something about dishonor, but Quattor ignores him) Now, how do I punish an officer that killed two historians?

Hex: (looking up at Quattor and grinning) Lightly?

Quattor: Nice try. Now, Hex, I know how much honor means to you, so I am going to give you a blaze of glory. I am going to let you die an insulter!

Hex: Thank you, sir. I understand.

Quattor: And, of course, I'll be calling your parents.

Hex: What?

Quattor: Nothing. You'll be fighting against overwhelming odds, using the Shortduck. You may not escape. Understand?

Hex: Perfectly. (exits)

Quattor: (sighs) How depressing.

Scene changes to show Shortduck standing on a plain, in front of which come clouds of Capricorns and Scoliosis. Camera zooms in on Shortduck's head, which shows Hex preparing for battle.

Hex: Computer, begin program Arcade 1.

Computer shows the words SHORTDUCK COMMAND. Then it shows a crosshairs, and mobile insulters coming toward the Shortduck.

Hex: Begin.

The Capricorns charge the Shortduck. The computer shows the crosshairs dancing back and forth on the computer screen, blasting the mobile insulters in midair. Hex smiles as lights dance across his face.

Hex: This battle is just a game!

Suddenly, the Shortduck gets hit by a blast. Hex's mask cracked, and blood flows down his face.

Hex: ERRRRR!! I once said…Quattor…that once my mask cracks I can no longer be your friend! Goodbye, Quattor!

Finally, the Capricorns are wiped out. The Shortduck has some damage, but nothing irreparable. The computer displays NEW HIGH SCORE: 4573890.

Hex: (smiles, but doesn't say anything)

The Scoliosis attack. The same thing happens. However, the Shortduck suffers another blast, causing Hex's mask to shatter, showing his perfectly normal face. The Shortduck crashes to the ground, and Hex is thrown out.

Scene 9: Mobile Frogs

Scene opens with Quattor standing in the command center of a Toto base. In the main viewport there shows a group of Simbas standing in a line.

Commander: There before you are examples of mobile frogs, sir. They are computer controlled mobile insulters that operate with ruthless efficiency. You will find them very good soldiers, sir.

Quattor: Great! I will support these mobile frogs as long as they are produced. To prove their worth, I'm going to fight all five of them at once!

Commander: Sir, I'm not sure that's such a good…

Quattor: No buts! Prepare my Simba!

Scene changes to Quattor's Simba facing the mobile frogs. The battle begins. Quattor puts up a good fight, but is shot up with bullets. Eventually, his Simba falls to the ground, holed completely. A bleeding Quattor steps out, a foot on its battered shoulder. Camera shows his bullet-riddled cape blowing in the wind.

Quattor: See? Get these mobile frogs to space immediately! Our invasion of the Outposts shall commence! Just let those Gundarn fools follow us!

Scene 10: The Gundarns Hit the Space Lanes

Scene opens with Ketra and Duel standing in a hanger bay, their respective Gundarns behind them.

Duel: Toto has been sending mobile frogs to space, and has invaded the colonies. I think we've got to stop them!

Ketra: We can't do that alone! And the only mobile insulter launch center is heavily guarded!

Duel: I think we're going to attack it anyway. When our fellow insulters see us getting beaten up, they will feel honor. At least that "strong" idiot Wuf will. They will help us, then we'll all go to space together.

Ketra: Sounds good to me!

Scene changes to Toto base, surrounded by tons of Simbas. Suddenly, a battle commences between Toto, Deathspatula, and Grainstone.

Duel: Ha Ha! Bring it on, you Toto fools!

Deathspatula twirls his spatula over its head, then sweeps it through three Simbas. It then leaps up into the air, hitting Simbas as it goes.

Ketra: (sounding very, very frightened). Where are they? I don't see them!

Duel: Relax! We haven't gotten beaten up yet! (Grainstone gets hit by a big gun, and staggers)

Ketra: ERRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!

Duel: Oh, no you don't! (Deathspatula throws it's spatula through the big gun, which comes sweeping back.)

Battle commences. The Gundarns fight valiantly, but are losing. Suddenly..

Ketra: They're here!

Gundarns Whiff, Heavyfeet, and Nutcake appear and start beating up Simbas!

Wuf: Prepare to die, Toto weaklings!

Trowel: I figured you would play with our honor, Duel.

Duel: How else do you think I would get you to do anything without getting all emotional over it?

Battle commences, the Gundarns move toward a large spaceship on a long track to the stars.

Ketra: I'll hold them off until you guys can escape!

Hero: I never knew you were so heroic, Ketra.

Ketra: Yeah, well, there's a lot about me you don't know! Computer, prepare Grainstone for self-detonate!

Trowel: Self-detonate?

Ketra: Yeah, self-detonate! Got a problem with that?

Trowel: Not at all.

Scene shows Grainstone walking toward the enemy, Ketra jumping down from it. Camera zooms in on Ketra, which looks like he's about to cry.

Ketra: (music begins) Grainstone, please forgive me! I hope to see you again, Grainstone!

Grainstone gets hit a little, but keeps walking, holding it's cooping saws.

Ketra: (music rising) Grainstone, you've stuck with me through thick and thin! You've understood me more then anyone, Grainstone!

Ketra: (arms spread, music at a crescendo) Grainstone, you're my very best friend!

Grainstone explodes, sending Ketra flying toward the ship. Scene changes to all five Gundarn pilots in space suits working spaceship controls. Camera passes over each pilots as he says his part.

Hero: I will eliminate all obstacles. Toto must be destroyed. Even in space.

Wuf: Only the strong should go to space. The weak should stay on Earth.

Trowel: It is not the end of the end. Oh, no, it is not even the middle of the beginning. But it is, perhaps, the middle of the middle.

Ketra: (crying geysers) Grainstone, (sniffle) I'll never (sob) forget you!

Duel: I'm going to space! YEEEEAAAAHHH!

Scene 11: Vaeyeighteen and Mercuy

Narrator: The battle continues between the Gundarns and Toto, even in space. During the resulting conflict, the designers of the Gundarns work for Toto, and have designed two new mobile insulters, the Vaeyeighteen and Mercuy. Even now, Trowel is working undercover to find something else about these mobile insulters. However, Hero has been captured…..

Scene opens with Trowel, the Scientists, and a squad of Toto soldiers.

Q: These are the Vaeyeighteen and Mercuy. They are two of the most advanced mobile insulters ever created.

Commander: Impressive.

Q: The Vaeyeighteen has the biggest gun we could dig up, and the Mercuy has a counter-insult field, which protects it from attacks. Mercuy also has an insult sword on it's shield, and a gun.

Trowel: I have been assigned to pilot the Vaeyeighteen. And I have thought of who will pilot the Mercuy…

Scene changes to shot of Trowel opening a door to a cell. Inside is Hero, digging a tunnel out of his cell with a homemade shovel.

Trowel: (not paying attention to Hero's escape attempts) I have a new mission for you.

Hero: (getting out of his hole) OK.

Shot of Hero and Trowel getting into Vaeyeighteen and Mercuy. The Commander's face appears on the screen.

Commander: You will be escorted by a group of mobile frogs. You must destroy a convoy.

Trowel: OK.

Shot of 11 mobile frogs, Vaeyeighteen and Mercuy. They come up on the convoy.

Trowel: Begin.

The battle begins. The convoy shoots back, but it's shots just bounce off Mercuy's counter-insult field. However, Trowel's Vaeyeighteen "misses" with it's Big Gun and hits the mobile frogs. Soon, everyone is destroyed except for Trowel and Hero.

Trowel: That was easy.

Hero: You said it.

They leave. Soon they are headed for the Gundarn base.

Wuf: (over com) Nutcake is irreparable. I will have to refit him.

Hero: I've found the designer of the Shortduck. His name is How-Hard. He will help us refit our Gundarns.

Duel: Good thing, too. I'm not sure ol' Deathspatula could take another battle.

Trowel: So it's agreed, then.

Ketra: (sobbing a little) No one will be able to replace Grainstone!

Duel: Oh, shut up!

Hero: Once we've upgraded, the age of the Gundarns will rise again!

            Join the Gundarn Pilots in their new adventure:

Gundarn Wing: Continuing Polka


	2. Gundarn Wing 2: The Gundarns Get Spaced

  
  
Gundarn Wing 2:  
The Gundarns Get Spaced.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Scene opens with flashbacks from the first Gundarn part. Representatives include Grainstone being destroyed, Whiff suffering the same fate, and the Gundarns blasting off to space.  
  
Narrator: In the year After Outpost 200001, the leader of the Outposts was assassinated. Five Gundarns were supposed to be sent to Earth, to tell them that assassinating was wrong, but through some fluke in the system, Toto's activities in space took the form of helpfulness, rather than insulting. So the Outposts decided to accept Toto. With nowhere to go, the Gundarns are forced to insult for a reason to exist, in the random world.  
  
Scene 1: The Death of Mr. Loser  
  
Scene opens with shot of Ketra facing his father, in his home. A sister is standing nearby.  
  
Ketra: I'm so glad to see you again, Father!  
  
Mr. Loser: Me too, Ketra. Even though I disinherited you and cast you off at the beginning of the show. But I'm afraid we lost all of our family fortune due to riots.  
  
Ketra: (looking upset) So I won't be a spoiled little rich boy anymore?  
  
Mr. Loser: Yes, Ketra. You're just going to have to live with it.  
  
Ketra: (looking to the skies) Grainstone, help me now!  
  
Mr. Loser: What?  
  
Ketra: Nothing.  
  
Scene commences with Ketra catching up with his family, including his sisters, which take him twenty minutes to figure out all of their names. Suddenly shot of Ketra talking to a distressed sister.  
  
Sister: I tell you, Ketra! Father is gone! He went a resource disposal block, and is flying away!  
  
Ketra: But the Toto forces stationed on this colony will shoot him down!  
  
Sister: Let's go try to stop him!  
  
Ketra: Yeah!  
  
Scene changes to Ketra and Sister facing a disposal block in a shuttle, with a colony turning all of it's guns toward it.  
  
Ketra: Father, please leave!  
  
Mr. Loser: Ketra, what I'm doing is leaving. Leaving this world, that is (chuckles without humor).  
  
Sister: No!  
  
Ketra: (yelling as suddenly the guns open fire) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
The shuttle falls away as the fire streaks past it, Sister moans.  
  
Ketra: (sounding even more pathetic than when Grainstone was destroyed) Father? Fa-thhheerrrr!  
  
The disposal block explodes, Sister screams and Ketra whines pathetically. The pieces of the disposal block fly past the shuttle.  
  
Ketra: Father, Toto has killed you. Now, I will kill Toto!!!  
  
Ketra's eyes start to pinwheel crazily, he starts foaming at the mouth and giggling crazily.  
  
Scene 2: Deathspatula Destroyed  
  
Scene shows a small capsule orbiting the Earth. Inside, Duel is rocking to some rap.  
  
Duel: Rock on! Woo!  
  
Scene changes to Commander Joe inside the cockpit of a Capricorn.  
  
Joe: Major None, we've located a small capsule in the Earth's megosphere. It is similar to the ones the Gundarns lifted off from Earth in!  
  
None: (on screen) Excellent, Joe! Go take your unit of Capricorn mobile frogs and capture the Gundarn!  
  
Joe: Yes, ma'am!  
  
Scene changes to Duel sitting in Deathspatula's cockpit. Suddenly, a light flashes.  
  
Duel: About time Toto showed up. Time for them to meet the Great Demolisher!  
  
Shot of four Capricorns surrounding the capsule.   
  
Computer: (beep) No sign of (beep) enemy activity.  
  
Joe: Uh, number 4, computers don't talk.  
  
Computer: (beep) Sorry. (beep)  
  
Suddenly a beam shoots through the four Capricorns, swatting and destroying them. A battle becomes initiated with Deathspatula and the mobile frogs. However, because of the enhanced reflexes of the mobile frogs, Duel loses! Gasp!  
  
Duel: (as Deathspatula shuts down) Can't say I wanted to copycat Hero, but.... Tag, you're it! Now go on my journey into DARKNESS!!  
  
Duel slams a button, and Deathspatula explodes. However, Duel goes flying away in a capsule.  
  
Duel: Ha, didn't see that coming, did you, Toto freaks!  
  
Joe: (groans) You're just lucky I'm not a mobile frog, Gundarn pilot.  
  
Scene 3: Vayeighteen and Mercurio  
  
Shot of Trowel standing among some volunteers in Toto uniforms. They are being suited up into Simbas. Commander Joe is there. Soon they all leave the Outpost and join up in space.  
  
Joe: Okay, you amateurs, listen up! Some remote mines will charge you. You need to shoot them. Comprende?  
  
Volunteers: Yes, sir!  
  
The volunteers start shooting at the mines, but miss and fail. Only Trowel shoots them all up easily.  
  
Joe: Huh! Not bad!  
  
None: (over com) I want to see that pilot, Joe! Bring him back to base!  
  
Joe: (suspicious) But, Major...  
  
None: Today I'm Ms. None.  
  
Joe: Sorry. But couldn't he be a Gundarn pilot?  
  
None: Oh, yeah. Well, put him through the Gundarn Test.  
  
Joe: (To Trowel) Volunteer, completely the destroy the following target.  
  
Trowel: Gladly.  
  
Suddenly some asteroids open, and show Deathspatula's head floating in space. Shot of Duel walking through a plaza, staring up at the screen. The screen shows the head floating.  
  
Duel: Hang in there, Deathspatula! Or what's left of ya! Everything's going to be fine.  
  
Scene changes to Trowel facing the head.  
  
Joe: Volunteer, shoot the head!  
  
Trowel: Yes.  
  
Trowel shoots the head, and the head sort of phuts out, rather than explodes.  
  
Duel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Two guys pass Duel by as he screams.  
  
Guy #1: Gee, what's with him?  
  
Guy #2: You don't suppose he's upset with the destruction of that Gundarn?  
  
Guy #1: Naw.  
  
Scene changes to Trowel, the scientists, Joe, None, and some soldiers standing in front of one and a half mobile insulters.  
  
Scientist T: These are the Vayeighteen and the Mercurio. We both worked our tails off to built these things, so you better not destroy them in the next three scenes.  
  
Trowel: That might be difficult.  
  
Scientist Q: (glare) The Vayeighteen as the biggest gun we could dig up, and the Mercurio has a counter-insult field, that protects it from attacks.  
  
None: I've assigned Trowel Bardon here to pilot the Vayeighteen, but I don't really know who'll pilot the....  
  
Suddenly the Vayeighteen starts moving, and aims its Big Gun at the Mercurio.  
  
Scientist F: He's aiming his Big Gun at the Mercurio!  
  
Scientist Q: Activate the counter-insult field!  
  
The Mercurio steps forward, raises it's arms, and activates it's shield. The Vayeighteen fires, but Mercurio is not destroyed. Vayeighteen falls to the ground, and Hero falls out.  
  
Hero: I'm back! And still fighting! You'd think I had quit when I blew up Whiff! (cringes) I still can't believe I did that!  
  
Suddenly Trowel leaps toward him, flips, and nearly lands on his head. He points a gun at Hero.  
  
Hero: Huh? (to camera) I picked some vocabulary up from Relentless!  
  
Trowel: Stick 'em up.  
  
Trowel comes out from behind the burning wreck of Vayeighteen, with Hero, who's arms are raised.  
  
None: I'd say we found our man!  
  
Scene 4: Assault on Barf  
  
Scene opens with the Fortress Barf drifting through space. Lady None is standing in the command center.  
  
Lady None: I'm impressed with the capabilities of this new Fortress Barf. The Massive Gun, the new mobile frogs, it's amazing!  
  
Commander: Toto has functioned very well, with the Outposts' help.  
  
Lady None: (eyes suddenly change color) An enemy is coming!  
  
Commander: (beeping console) Yes!  
  
Shot of Nutcake charging down at the Capricorns surrounding Barf, firing it's Spock cannons.  
  
Wuf: The Fortress Barf is too strong! The weak must not bow before Toto! Let's go NUTTTTTCAKKKKKEEEEEE!!!!  
  
A battle is fought between Wuf and the mobile frog Capricorns. Because of Barf's Massive Gun, Wuf loses, and his extending arm gets shot off.  
  
Wuf: My left arm! Heart attack!  
  
Nutcake stabs itself, and goes running away from the pain, similar to a race horse.  
  
Wuf: I'll be back!  
  
Suddenly a bunch of Capricorns appear out of nowhere and attach cables to Nutcake.  
  
Wuf: Nutcake, you and I are gonna have to get a whole lot stronger!  
  
Computer: (beep) Bring in the Gundarn!  
  
Scene 5: Ketra's Rampage  
  
Scene opens with a happy Outpost prospering near the sun. Simbas fly around happily, and everyone is just having a grand old time. It's enough to make even the mightiest Gundarn pilot vomit.  
  
Commander: (flashing panel) What the- a shuttle is approaching!  
  
Subcommander: Send a squad to check it out.  
  
Some Simbas fly away from the Outpost. Out of the sun comes the new Whiff Zero in hummingbird bird. It starts to transform.  
  
Simba #1: (sounding extremely frightened, more so than a hardened veteran would) IT'S TRANSFORMING!! A GUNDARN! SHOOT 'IM!  
  
Whiff Zero starts to get shot up, but doesn't do anything. Shot of Ketra in a strange helmet at the controls, still slightly foaming.  
  
Ketra: I'm just going to sit here for a while, let them shoot me, and then KILL THEM!!  
  
Whiff Zero suddenly pulls out a Big Gun, and blasts the squad to infinity. Ketra then proceeds to destroy the outpost.  
  
Ketra: And don't you forget it!  
  
Scene changes to Trowel opening a door into a dark room. Inside is Hero, digging a tunnel out of his cell with a homemade shovel. However, he has just realized that he's inside a space station, and can't dig his way out.  
  
Trowel: Hey, Hero! I have a mission for you.  
  
Hero: Hopefully it will be more meaningful than digging out of a space station.  
  
They leave, and walk through the Fortress Barf.   
  
Trowel: A Gundarn has gone on a rampage through the outpost, destroying them! We need to use the Vayeighteen and the Mercurio to stop him!  
  
Hero: A Gundarn! (looks confused) So why are we stopping it?  
  
Trowel: Shhhh! (looks around) You'll blow my cover! We need to stop him because he's destroying outposts, and killing innocent people!  
  
Hero: (grudgingly) Okay...  
  
Scene changes to Hero and Trowel getting into the Vayeighteen and Mercurio, which are then loaded into mobile insulter carriers.  
  
Trowel: We'll try to intercept him at outpost 3.141592654.  
  
Hero: Whatever.  
  
Trowel: You're not very excited about going into a battle!  
  
Hero: I'm not in my Gundarn.  
  
Trowel: Shhh!  
  
Hero: Jeez!  
  
Scene changes to Trowel and Hero in the Vayeighteen and Mercurio. Ketra shows up.  
  
Trowel: Move to engage!  
  
Hero: Right!  
  
Ketra: Don't stop me, you guys! I need to destroy the outposts!  
  
Hero: No!  
  
A battle begins. Trowel doesn't move fast enough, and gets clipped by one of Whiff Zero's gun.  
  
Trowel: Ow!  
  
Ketra: Ha!  
  
Hero: Why you!   
  
Mercurio charges Whiff with insult sword in its shield, and the two start grappling, and fall toward the outpost.  
  
Hero: ERRRRR!!  
  
Ketra: ERRRR!!!  
  
Suddenly the Vayeighteen suddenly goes flying upward, and Trowel starts debating philosophy with Ketra, while Hero tries to kill him. Ketra suddenly turns back to normal.  
  
Ketra: Nooooo!! Trowel!!!!  
  
The Vayeighteen blows up, and Ketra moans. Sudden blackout.  
  
Scene 6: Duel, the Great Demolisher, once Again  
  
Scene opens with Duel lying on a beach towel at the beach, but in full clothing. A girl walks up to him in a Toto uniform.  
  
Girl: Hi!  
  
Duel: Yo!  
  
Girl: I'm Heidi Lions, and I'm from Toto! We're looking for recruits, and I think you're qualified. (hands him a piece of paper).  
  
Duel: (looking at it) Hmmmmm....   
  
Heidi: Well, if you're interested. (walks off).  
  
Duel: (smiling) You bet, I'll be there.  
  
Scene changes to Duel standing in a space port, with a bag. He's holding a bag, and hands his ID to a guy. One of the photos shows him picking his nose.  
  
Guy: Hmmmm... Okay, you're clear.  
  
Duel: Cool! C'ya.  
  
Heidi: (walking up) Hey! You couldn't have gone through training ye-  
  
Duel: I didn't!   
  
Duel punches Heidi, and due to the low gravity, sends her flying across the room. He jumps into a Simba.  
  
Heidi: (unfazed) Hey! Stop him!  
  
Duel blasts off for the Luna base, but Heidi follows him.  
  
Heidi: Die! (shoots Duel's Simba in the leg)  
Duel: AAGH!  
  
Duel gets beaten up, and scene changes to him sitting in a chair facing Heidi.  
  
Heidi: Duel Maxwell House, a Gundarn pilot! Not Poindexter Smilles, physicist from Nigeria!  
  
Duel: (smiling at his creativity) Yep!  
  
Heidi: (leaving) I'll have you executed when we get back.  
  
Duel: Great.  
  
Scene changes to Heidi in the cockpit of a space plane with a couple soldiers.  
  
Soldier 1: So he was a Gundarn pilot!  
  
Heidi: (thinking) Yeah...  
  
Soldier 2: It's a good thing he'll soon be dead!  
  
Suddenly a shuddering noise is heard, and Duel is shown flying in a Simba toward the Luna base.  
  
Duel: I've done it! Hello, Luna base.  
  
Suddenly Duel gets shot again, by the Simbas from the Luna base.  
  
Duel: ERGGGGHH!!  
  
Scene changes to Duel eventually meeting up with the scientists.  
  
Duel: Yo, smart alecks!  
  
Q: Hi, Great Demolisher. We're rebuilding your Gundarn. And Wuf's.  
  
Duel: Wuf? That "strong" idiot?  
  
Q: The same. And that's not very kind.  
  
Duel: Whatever. But I guess I'm going to have to stay here, huh?  
  
Q: Yep. Scientist F, would you beat him up for us?  
  
F: (winding up) Gladly.  
  
Scientist F beats up Duel, and he gets thrown into a cell with Wuf.  
  
Duel: Ho, China brotha!  
  
Wuf: Don't do that again.  
  
Duel: I bring good news, Wuf! Our Gundarns are getting rebuilt!  
  
Wuf: You're pretty chipper for someone who just got beaten up.  
  
Duel: How'd you know that?  
  
Wuf: You have F's bootprint on your back.  
  
Duel: What? I do? Dang! So anyway, we need to hang for another week or so!  
  
Wuf: OK.  
  
Scene 7: The Luna Base Assault  
  
Scene opens with None and a group of soldiers standing on the bridge of Fortress Barf.  
  
None: Tuberoff, the head of the Luna base, has gotten too aggressive with his mobile frog production. We have to destroy it, and bust the Gundarn pilots out!  
  
Soldier: OK, Colonel None.  
  
None: Today I'm President None. And I believe that there should be defenses for every outposts, food for every child, insults for every soldier....  
  
Soldier 2: I think another mood swing is in order.  
  
The Fortress Barf arrives at the Luna base, and a battle begins. Shot of some Simbas arriving at some big doors. Colonel None is running away.  
  
Soldier: Good luck, Colonel None!  
  
None: Thanks!  
  
Suddenly a pair of new mobile frogs, the Vertigoes, suddenly power up.  
  
Soldier: What! The mobile frogs are getting blow u-  
  
The Vertigoes blast the Simbas away, but None escapes. Scene changes to None pulling a big lever.  
  
None: Ha! I hope those Gundarn pilots owe me big for this! (bang)  
  
Lady None suddenly collapses, and shot of the leader of the base, Tuberoff, holding a gun.  
  
Tuberoff: Ha! No one defeats my mobile frogs!  
  
Shot of Vertigoes rising from the ground, and a huge battle begins. Scene changes to Wuf and Duel boxing.  
  
Wuf: What? The doors are opening! Oof!  
  
Duel punches Wuf in the stomach, then looks around.  
  
Duel: Hey, you're right! Let's go get our Gundarns!  
  
Wuf: (catching his breath) I'll....join you in a minute!  
  
Duel: (running off) Okay, Wu-man!  
  
Scene changes to Deathspatula H and Alton rising from the ground. Deathspatula H is hardly complete, and is still a skeleton.  
  
Duel: Hey, Wuf! How do you like my new Gundarn: Deathspatula H!  
  
Wuf: S'okay. What does the "H" stand for.  
  
Duel: Well, I'd tell you, but since this is a "G" rated show...  
  
Wuf: Oh.  
  
A battle begins between the Vertigoes, Lady None's forces, Deathspatula, and Alton. The Gundarns win, and go blasting off to space.  
  
  
Scene 8: To Earth  
  
Scene opens with Ketra, Hero, and the Scientists at an outpost. They are working some computers.  
  
Scientist F: It seems that Toto has been replaced by it's overlord, Roamafella Corporation. Roamafella is headed by Duke Dermail, and it's governor of space is Tuberoff. But the Whiff Zero has a new system, called the Minus system. This was developed by the Loser family, but we don't know what it does. Did you get all that, Hero?  
  
Hero: Got it.  
  
Ketra: I didn't...  
  
Hero: You don't need to.  
  
Ketra: (moan).  
  
Scene changes to Hero stealing the Whiff Zero.  
  
Hero: Much too easy. Roamafella is even stupider than Toto, when it comes to guarding big weapons of destruction.  
  
Hero starts attacking Roamafella forces, but Whiff Zero suddenly takes control of him.  
  
Hero: My opponents? Who are my opponents? Who are they? Who am I?  
  
Suddenly he sees a picture of the Old Guy.  
  
Hero: The Old Guy! The OLD GUY IS MY ENEMY!!!!  
  
Hero starts madly attacking Vertigoes. Ketra charges toward the Mercuy.  
  
Ketra: I have to stop Hero! He's doing exactly what I did!  
  
Shot of Ketra facing Hero.  
  
Hero: Ketra, get out of my way! I have to destroy the Old Guy!  
  
Ketra: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!  
  
Hero: DON'T INSULT ME!!!  
  
The two mobile insulters start grappling, but suddenly Hero turns back to normal.  
  
Hero: Uhhh, what's going on? I don't....  
  
Hero barfs all over himself, and falls out of Whiff Zero.  
  
Ketra: (running up) Hero, are you OK? Oh, that's just nasty! But anyway, Hero, let's go to Earth.  
  
Hero: Whatever...  
  
Shot of Ketra and Hero blasting off in a space shuttle, and Mercuy self-destructing. Whiff Zero survives, however, and blasts off on it's own. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!  
Scene 9: The Bank Kingdom  
  
Shot of Hero and Ketra standing with a group of rebels in a forest.  
  
Rebel 1: We're fighting the Roamafella corporation any way we can! Will you join us?  
  
Hero: Sure! I'll fight any way I can!  
  
Ketra: No! That's not right! I'm going to town!  
  
Hero starts fighting a battle with Romafella, alongside the rebels. Ketra goes into town, and starts talking with an old man.  
  
Old Man: Yep, we live pretty harsh lives now, but we have a dream! A place we all want to go in our lifetimes!  
  
Ketra: Wow! What's that, mister?  
  
Old Man: There once was an old kingdom, one that believed in total pacifism and equal freedom for everyone. All of us believe that one day, that kingdom will be restored and we may live there in peace.  
  
Ketra: (in awe) What's the name of that kingdom, mister?  
  
Old Man: The Bank Kingdom!  
  
Ketra: Huh? That's a strange name.  
  
Old Man: Yes, well, I didn't tell you the other philosophy believed by the Bank Kingdom. A philosophy created by Adam Smith and the late philosopher Hero Yuy.  
  
Ketra: (in awe) What's that philosophy, mister?  
  
Old Man: The philosophy of the free market! In the Bank Kingdom, money flows freely without any diversions and everyone has a chance to become rich. That's what Relentless Wartrade is trying to create.  
  
Ketra: That's it! Thanks, mister!  
  
Scene changes to a big battle in a forest between the rebels and Hero against Roamafella. Cut to Hero at the cockpit.  
  
Hero: I'll keep fighting 'till the day I die! What the?  
  
A panel in the Simba flashes and Ketra is shown running up.  
  
Ketra: Hero! We have to go to the Bank Kingdom! Relentless is there!  
  
Hero: Relentless?  
  
At this epic moment of recollection, a blast hits Hero's Simba dead-on and sends it flying. Hero climbs out and Ketra and Hero walk away.  
  
Scene 10: Relentless in Power  
  
Scene opens with Relentless addressing a group of girls.  
  
Relentless: You are all the grand nieces of the leaders of the Bank Kingdom nations, and I welcome you to the Bank Kingdom's headquarters. I hope you enjoy your stay. I have someone to introduce to you. I hope you will welcome her.  
  
Enter a girl with ten inch eyebrows and hair longer than Hex's.  
  
Relentless: This is Dorothy Catolini, grand niece of the leader of the Roamafella Foundation.  
  
Dorothy: Hello, you weak pacifists! I can't understand why you don't want a war!  
  
Relentless: Thank you, Dorothy. You may sit down now.  
  
Dorothy: The Roamafella Foundation will destroy you all! You will all suffer in our prison camps!  
  
Relentless: (annoyed) Dorothy! Sit down! (snaps her fingers)  
  
Dorothy: (as security drags her away) You will all be dead! All of you! This kingdom won't survive!  
  
Relentless: You will have to excuse her, girls.  
  
Girls: Yes, Miss Relentless!  
  
Scene changes to the Old Guy driving Ketra and Hero to the Bank Kingdoms headquarters in the pink car.  
  
Hero: (grudgingly) I swore to myself long ago I would never set foot in this vehicle.  
  
Ketra: You should be glad you have friends in high places!  
  
Old Guy: Miss Relentless is looking forward to meeting you two.  
  
Hero: That's what I'm afraid of.  
  
Ketra: Hero, don't worry about it!  
  
Car pulls up. Ketra and Hero get out, and meet up with Relentless.  
  
Relentless: Welcome, boys! I am leader of the Bank Kingdom!  
  
Hero: Who will put you in a position of power?  
  
Relentless: (unfazed) Hero! So good to see you again! And Ketra! Gotten over Grainstone's death yet?  
  
Ketra: (blushing) Yes, Relentless.  
  
Relentless: You should be right at home here!  
  
Scene 11: Deathspatula's Return  
  
Scene changes to a happy outpost with lots of Simbas zipping around. Several transports fly back and forth. Suddenly three Simbas explode. Deathspatula H. suddenly appears in the midst of their explosions and activates its spatula.  
  
Duel: I'm back! Too bad old buddy here isn't in great condition.  
  
Deathspatula slices through two more Simbas and starts heading toward the outpost. As it flies past the camera, we can clearly see many different bumper stickers and symbols decorated the wings, the buster shield, and the main body.  
  
Duel: Since Deathspatula wasn't done when I stole him, I had to build him myself. Since I don't have any money, I had to be sponsored.   
  
As Duel speaks, we can see he is wearing a Nike hat and a Joy of Cola T-shirt.  
  
Duel: Time for my pitch! (turns toward the camera) As a Gundarn pilot, I keep up my strength by eating Wheaties every day! (holds up a box and gives a big smile)  
  
Out in space, Deathspatula turns and launches his shield at a Simba. As the shield spins, we can see a "Mobile Insulters don't kill Kids, Kids kill Kids" bumper sticker across the front.  
  
Duel: Not only that, but I wear shoes made by Reebok because I know they'll stick with me through thick and thin! (another big smile)  
  
Deathspatula turns and slices another Simba in half. Then, it turns toward the camera and holds up the double spatula. A pair of Energizer batteries are powering the spatula.  
Deathspatula flies away after destroying all the Simbas.  
  
Duel: Later, guys! And remember, kids, insult spatulas are dangerous! Do not use them without permission from your parents! And always brush your teeth!   
  
As Deathspatula flies away, suddenly a large green, flat, and intricately designed ship flies in front of him. A comm. screen appears in Deathspatula's cockpit.  
  
Duel: Who is it?  
  
Oin: Hey, Duel!  
  
Duel: Oin! How you been?  
  
Oin: Just fine! Hey, listen. I have some news. A new group of rebels calling themselves the Black Tooth have declared war on the Earth!  
  
Duel: Big whop. There are lots of rebel groups just like that. Funny name though.  
  
Oin: Yes, but do those other rebels have Hex Markey for a leader, a new Gundarn as a weapon, a humongous battleship named the Liber and a strategy to destroy the Earth?  
  
Duel: Woo! No way! What's that about a battleship?  
  
Oin: I'll tell you later. Anyway, I'm trying to join all the Gundarn pilots together to fight this threat to the Earth and our base of operations will be this ship, the MakeaMillion, flagship of the Bank Kingdom. Will you join us, Duel?  
  
Duel: Sure, but only if you fix Deathspatula.  
  
Oin: Deal!  
  
Scene 12: The Join with Wuf and Trowel  
  
Scene changes to Wuf destroying a bunch of Roamafella Capricorns around a colony in the new Alton Gundarn. Suddenly, a bright pink Capricorn shows up.  
  
Wuf: A newcomer! I will destroy you as well!  
  
Oin: Wait, Wuf! I need to talk to you!  
  
Wuf: Oh, it's you, Oin. I thought you were in the Bank Kingdom.  
  
Oin: Yes, well...  
  
Oin launches into the whole shpiel about Black Tooth and convinces Wuf to join her on the MakeaMillion. Scene changes to Duel on the MakeaMillion.  
  
Duel: Man, I'm bored. I sure hope Wuf decides to join us, otherwise I'll be bored out of my skull, sitting here talking to Howie.  
  
Duel jerks his thumb at Howie, the designer of the Shortduck. Howie has a bushy mustache similar to the Old Guy's and is wearing bright, multicolored pants. Howie is babbling about the methods in which he designed the Shortduck. Suddenly, a door slides open and Trowel walks in.  
  
Duel: Trowel! Howyadoingoldbuddyitssogoodtoseeya,sitdownandhaveadrinkwithme!  
  
Trowel: (calmly) Oh, hi, Duel.  
  
Duel: Oh, hi, Trowel, well, anyway, how did you make it out of the Vayeighteen when it blew up?!  
  
Trowel: Vayeighteen?....Blow up?. I don't really remember.  
  
Duel: Yeah, I know. Trauma and all that. Well, we're off to stop a group of rebels from blowing up the Earth.  
  
Trowel: I know. Oin told me. She also rebuilt Heavyfeet with another insult barb shooter.  
  
Duel: That's awesome! Then you can help us against Black Tooth!  
  
Trowel: I guess...  
  
Scene changes to Hero and Ketra facing Relentless, in her room.  
  
Ketra: I'm sorry, Relentless, but we have to go.  
  
Relentless: Oh, no! But whhhhhyyyyyyy?  
  
Hero: If you start whining, I will destroy you.  
  
Ketra: Oin has told us about a new rebel group, called the Black Tooth! They want to destroy the earth.  
  
Relentless: Hmmm. You have to go stop them. You know what? I'll go with you! I'm getting sick of running the Bank Kingdom anyway!  
  
Hero: You may go, but not with us.  
  
Relentless: Awwwww...  
Hero: Do I need to repeat myself?  
  
Relentless: Fine.  
  
Scene changes to Ketra walking into a Middle Eastern town. He walks into a hangar, and inside is Grainstone and some Argonauts.  
  
Ketra: Argonauts! And GRAAAAAIIINNNSTTTTOOONNNNEEEE!!!  
  
He runs up and hugs Grainstone's foot.  
  
Leader: We've outfitted Grainstone for space, Mister Loser. I hope you like him.  
  
Ketra: He's great, thanks!  
  
Shot of Ketra blasting off in Grainstone, and Hero blasting off in the Whiff Zero.  
  
Ketra: I'm so glad to have Grainstone back!  
  
Hero: Does that mean you'll stop talking now?  
  
Ketra: (pouting) That was uncalled for....  
  
Shot of all the Gundarn pilots, Oin and Howie eating Chinese food on the Makeamillion.  
  
Hero: So what is this about a new Gundarn?  
  
Oin: Well, we know it's name is Epyawn, and it's piloted by (get's all dreamy-eyed) Hex...It is armed with a whip and a big sword.  
  
Ketra: A whip and a sword?  
  
Oin: Problem?  
  
Ketra: Just making sure.  
  
Trowel suddenly pops a whole dumpling into his mouth, and starts chewing. Everyone stares at him.  
  
Trowel: (mouth full) Wha?  
  
Wuf: (pulling out a chopstick, turning to Ketra) En garde!  
  
Wuf and Ketra start fencing with chopsticks. Howie picks up a noodle, and dangles it from his fork.  
  
Howie: You know, this noodle reminds me of the Insolar X-45 connecting cable I used on the Shortduck! It was nice and smelly, and oily too!  
  
Oin: (turning green) You can have mine, Howie.  
  
Howie: Wow! Really! Thanks, Oin! You're a real pal!  
  
Hero opens a fortune cookie.  
  
Hero: You will come close, but your good friend will take it away at the last moment. Girlfriend factors into equation. Annoying friend comes close to dying, but it is not your lucky day. Friend of yours needs to cut his hair, and another needs to wear some normal clothes. I wonder what that means?  
  
Trowel: (mouth still full) Probly nothin', Heroo.  
  
Oin: (slapping Trowel in the back of the head) Don't talk with your mouth full! Hasn't your mother taught you nothing?  
  
Trowel chokes and spews his dumpling across the table. Wuf and Ketra leap away, and resume their match on the floor a few feet away.  
  
Duel: Ewww! You barfed in my food, Trowel!  
  
Trowel: Sorry.  
  
Howie: Hey! That chunk reminds me of a component connected with Shortduck's Doby Gun! Can I have it, Duel?  
  
Duel: (pushing it away) Take all of it.  
  
Howie: (starts shoveling it in) Thanks, Duel! You're a pal, too!  
  
Ketra: Ha!  
  
Wuf's chopstick suddenly breaks, and he leaps at Ketra, screaming Chinese battle cries and doing karate moves. Ketra screams and dives under a table. Wuf leaps on top and starts jumping on it, screaming.  
  
Oin: Wuf, leave it!  
  
Wuf: Okyuga Kasiyi!  
  
Ketra: Please?  
  
Suddenly an alarm sounds, and all the pilots look up.  
Everyone: Let's go!  
  
Everyone dives off separate edges of the screen.  
  
Scene 13: The Final Battle  
  
Scene opens with the Gundarns and Oin flying toward masses of mobile insulters.  
  
Oin: Okay, troops, listen up! This is it, we need to stop Liber and the Black Tooth from firing on earth! I've heard that Quattor and his troops are prepared to stop Hex, so we'll side with them! Got it?  
  
Everyone: Sure!  
  
Hero: I will fight Hex, alone.  
  
Duel: But I want to too!  
  
Oin: Duel, quiet.  
  
Trowel: Let's go!  
  
The Gundarns blast into the battle, which begins. Shot of Howie standing on the Makeamillion.  
  
Howie: We have to stop the Liber from reaching the Earth! But we don't have any weapons, and we can't rely on those Gundarns! So we're going to ram it! Everybody off!  
  
Shot of the Makeamillion flying toward the Liber. Scene changes to Ketra chopping two mobile frogs in half.  
  
Ketra: It seems that Quattors' forces have this battle pretty much balanced. Our priority is to dispatch the Liber.  
  
Shot of Trowel showering mobile frogs in hails of barbs.  
  
Trowel: Yeah, you're right, Ketra.  
  
Shot of Duel swatting three mobile frogs at once, and then holding up a hair dryer.  
  
Duel: Being a Gundarn pilot, I need to keep my hair in order! And to do that, I have to use ACME Hair Dryers! No one does it like ACME! (smiles)   
  
Wuf: Duel, how much longer are you going to keep doing those stupid pitches?  
  
Duel: Oh, I don't know.  
Trowel: We'll enter the Liber through airlocks, and proceed on foot.  
  
Ketra: OK!  
  
Scene changes to Hero fighting mobile frogs.  
  
Hero: Oh, he's here!  
  
Shot of Hex in Epyawn flying in. Shot of two Simbas firing, and Epyawn flies past them. About five minutes later, the Simbas explode. Whiff Zero and Epyawn start fighting.  
  
Hero: Hex, why are you doing this? Why are you attacking Earth?  
  
Hex: Who are you talking to? I'm not Hex.  
  
Hero: Course you're Hex. Who else would you be?  
  
Hex: My name is Yardo Wartrade, member of the Black Tooth and your enemy!  
  
Epyawn shoots away from Whiff, then whips its whip at Whiff's face. Hero blocks it with his shield.  
  
Scene changes to Quattor blowing up mobile frogs in a Shortduck. Suddenly, Wuf flies in with Alton.  
  
Wuf: I have longed for a chance to fight you like this.  
  
Quattor: Why?  
  
Wuf: (caught off guard) Oh...uh...I just want to, that's all!  
  
Quattor: Good enough for me!  
  
They start fighting as well.  
  
Scene changes to a dark room. Inside, Dorothy is seen sitting on a chair wearing a helmet that looks like a bug. A door slides open and Ketra steps inside.  
  
Dorothy: Ketra Ramadan!  
  
Ketra: Dorothy Cataloni!  
  
Dorothy: I don't want to debate philosophy, Ketra, (tosses him a broadsword) but I do want to fight you. (holds up one of her own) So let's have at it! (they start fighting)  
  
Ketra: Good thing I got some practice from Wuf!  
The pair battle around and around the room, both grunting and panting from the effort. Suddenly a door opens behind Dorothy and the pair edge out onto a walkway over a bottomless pit.  
  
Ketra: Well, this is certainly dramatic, isn't it? (slices)  
  
Dorothy: (blocks) Yes, it certainly is!  
  
They continue to fight as dramatic music starts playing, and Heavyfeet suddenly steps in and starts blowing up random stuff. This causes smoke and flame to form, adding additional dramatic stuff to an already overly dramatic situation. Suddenly Dorothy knocks Ketra off!  
  
Ketra: No! Grainstone, help!  
  
Shot of Ketra being lifted back up to the walkway on Grainstone's hovering shoulder. The pair fight, leaping back and forth from the walkway to Grainstone, and back again. The music rises to a crescendo, and suddenly Ketra knocks Dorothy off!  
  
Dorothy: (falling into blackness) NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Ketra: (reaching out) NOOOOOOO!!! DOOOORROOOOTTTTTHHHYYYYY!!!  
  
Ketra stand there in silence for a little while, and then hops into Grainstone and leaves.  
  
Shot of the Makeamillion suddenly hitting the Liber, lots of death and destruction.  
  
Howie: (in escape pod) Did we do a good job, Oin?  
  
Oin: Great!  
  
Hex: A slight change in plan! Liber crew, ram the earth!  
  
Hero: Gasp! NOOOOOO!!!!  
  
Hero and Hex duel with ever greater fury, when suddenly Hero slashes Epyawn and it goes shooting away!   
  
Hero: Hex! No!  
  
Hex: I'll be fine, Hero! I understand the true meaning of goodness and truth now!  
  
Hero: Wow! What a mood swinger!  
  
Epyawn disappears, and suddenly the Liber splits in half, and a piece starts falling toward earth. Hero starts jetting over toward it. Shot of Relentless, Salami, Oin, and some other guys on a space station.  
  
Salami: Hero, that piece will destroy Earth if it hits! But you still have some time left to do something about it!  
  
Hero: OK! (looks around) Where's my Big Gun?  
  
Shot of Wuf and Quattor fighting, and debating philosophy. Suddenly Wuf blows up Quattor.  
  
Wuf: Whoops, I didn't mean to do that! Oh, well. (heads for the Liber)  
  
Shot of Hero arriving at the Liber. All the pilot's faces appear on his monitor.   
  
Hero: What are you doing?  
  
Shot of Deathspatula, Heavyfeet, Grainstone, and the 40 Argonauts inside the piece of the Liber, grabbing useful pieces of machinery and sticking them into big sacks.  
  
Duel: Well, Hero, we figured this thing is going down to earth... Hey, this computer looks good!   
  
Trowel: So if it's going to explode, we might as well take everything useful off it before it goes. Hey, Catherine will love this 40 foot jewelry box!  
  
Hero: You're... looting it?  
  
Argonaut: Well, not exactly, Mr. Yueh. (behind him a Simba powers on) We're just removing more stuff from it to soften the impact. And make some money while we're at it! (grabs the Simba by the head and stuffs it into his sack)  
  
Hero: Well... All right, everybody off!  
  
Everyone: Awwww...  
  
Everyone grabs their last valuables and ships out.  
  
Hero: Now, where's my Big Gun?  
  
Duel: Why do you need it, Hero?  
  
Hero: I will use it to destroy the piece of the Liber and save the Earth from an eternal winter!  
  
Duel: Well, too bad! I've already got it!  
  
Hero: (turns around) WHAT??  
  
Shot of the piece falling toward the Earth. A red streak appears in front of it.  
  
Oin: There's a mobile insulter in front of it!  
  
Salami: Hero? No, Duel!  
  
Exterior shot of Deathspatula H. hurling toward the Earth. In its hand is Hero's Big Gun. Interior shot of Duel aiming the gun. The little crosshairs jump around a lot.  
  
Duel: I will...  
  
Hero: Noo!  
  
Shot of Whiff Zero streaking out and away from the piece.  
  
Duel: I will..!  
  
Hero: Nooo!!  
  
Duel: I WILL!!!  
  
Hero: NOOOO!!!!  
  
The crosshairs lock. Duel fires. A beam of energy two feet thick hurls out of the Big Gun and the piece dissipates.  
  
Hero: No! I've lost the glory again!  
  
Duel: I did it! I saved the Earth! Woo!  
  
Happy music starts playing, a bunch of cool clips in the background, credits roll.  
  
  
The End  



End file.
